Asinine Love Poetry
Perfect Bound Softcover
Asinine Love Poetry
Edited by the Editors of asininepoetry.com
Love means having to buy something nice every once in a whileSo, the wife wants you to be more romantic? You think, "Hey, poems are romantic, right? That's what Morty in accounting said. And he should know." But you can’t write a poem, not even if World Series tickets were at stake. And you can't find a poem you even half-understand. Say, buddy, try this (read it slowly):
by Dustin Michael
If all your hairs went limp and dull
And fell out of your head
And where your hairs before had been
There grew back slugs instead
I wouldn’t poke or point at you
Or say it’s all your fault
I wouldn’t paper bag your head
Or chase you down with salt
I’d let you leave your trails of slime
Upon my pillowcase
And wouldn’t say “Slug Head” behind your back
Or ever to your face
Sure, it’s odd. And kind of gross. But at the same time it is romantic, and it is a love poem. It’s just a different kind of love poem, the kind you can understand. Try that with “Sonnet XVI.”
Asinine Love Poetry features more than 70 poems love poems, including "Varying the Location," by Hal Sirowitz; "Video-Date-a-Kong" by William Trowbridge "Inez My Dental Technician," by R. Narvaez; "Cannibal Love Song," by Houghton Piker; and “Use This Poem to Pick Up Girls,” by Stephen Kunc. There are haikus, limericks, sonnets, ballads, and free verse—all about love, and all asinine.
Say, what do you mean by "asinine"?
Webster’s 10 defines “asinine” as “marked by inexcusable failure to exercise intelligence” and “of, relating to, or resembling an ass.” That is part of what the book means by “asinine.” Yes, there are incredibly senseless poems and stupid poems and bathroom-humor poems. In fact, Asinine Love Poetry may do for verse what Dumb & Dumber did for cinema. However, for the most part, “asinine” is an umbrella term that includes the silly, the bizarre, the saucy, the clever, the cranky, and the funny.
With exceptions such as the works of Stephen Dobyns, Billy Collins, and Hal Sirowitz (featured in Asinine Love Poetry), most contemporary poetry is chillingly humorless. As poet William Trowridge (also featured in Asinine Love Poetry) writes in his recent humorous poetry collection, The Complete Book of Kong (Southeast Missouri State University Press):
“Much of [contemporary poetry] is wonderful, sometimes brilliant . . . [and it] hasn’t shied away from colloquial wit . . . ; but it has, by and large, kept well clear of the pratfall and the belly laugh, which are among our most potent defenses against the insanity and brutality of contemporary life.”
Asinine Love Poetry does not shy away from the pratfall and the belly laugh, the fetish reference and the dirty joke, the darkest black humor or the most obvious one-liner. The poems in the book are not afraid to be funny. The humor and the edginess of the poems will draw in readers who might usually avoid poetry. Like you.
Spawned from what Web Site?
Thousands of Web users every month visit asininepoetry.com, the humorous online literary journal established in 2001. The award-winning site’s growing catalog of weirdly comic and oddball verse contains more than 800 poems written by established poets as well as talented amateurs. The site was chosen as Cool Site of the Day (2/19/03) and Cool Site of the Month (February 2003) by CoolSiteoftheDay.com (“the arbiter of taste on the Web,” according to the New York Times). The site has also been featured in Time Out New York, New York Metropolis, among many other publications. With Asinine Love Poetry, asininepoetry.com is now following the path of other humorous and satirical Web sites—such as The Onion, McSweeney’s, and Modern Humorist—that have successfully spun off print properties.
In its silly humor and often-cunning bite, asininepoetry.com continues the tradition of funny poets and best-selling writers Shel Silverstein and Tom Lehrer. Asinine Love Poetry may be sold in the poetry, gift book, and humor sections of bookstores. There are several similar books on the market now—such as Mary K. Witte’s Redneck Haiku, Aaron Naparstek’s Honku: The Zen Antidote to Road Rage, and David M. Bader’s long-selling Haikus for Jews: For You, a Little Wisdom; Asinine Love Poetry has that same kind of niche appeal. And it has a bigger potential for spin-offs books and after-market products.
Here are some reviews of asininepoetry.com:
“I’m a little intimidated by poetry, but the asinine Web site makes it go down easy.”—Comic writer Bruce Jay Friedman, The Lonely Guy, A Mother’s Kisses, Stern, among many others
“The site houses a lot of hysterically funny stuff by a lot of very, very funny and very, very disturbed weirdos.”—Comedian Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling, The Howard Stern Show
“The site is great. I love the site.”—Poet/performer Bob Holman, co-editor of Aloud! Voices from the Nuyorican Poets Café and proprietor of the Bowery Poetry Club
Some of the Asinine Love Poetry Poets(in alphabetical order)
In his spare time Scott Emmons plays the violin and collects campy 1950s educational films. As a youth, he embarked on an academic career, earning a doctorate in classical Greek and Latin before admitting to himself that his heart was in humor. For the more than 10 years he has made his living writing gags and funny rhymes for Hallmark. In 2003, Emmons had his Christmas Unwrapped book of funny poems ("Lighthearted Humor to Get You through the Holidays") published by Hallmark as a gift book. He runs the Web site www.wordchowder.com. He now lives in the Kansas City area with a wife, a son, and a cat.
Longtime magazine journalist Robert Edelstein most recently wrote Full Throttle: The Life and Fast Times of Nascar Legend Curtis Turner (Overlook), which was reviewed in a cover article in the New York Times Book review. He also wrote NASCAR Generations: The Legacy of Family in NASCAR Racing (HarperCollins) and writes regularly for TV Guide. His aliases include Joe “King” Lee and Velvet Undergarments. He enjoys eating pizza slices in one mouthful.
Poet, professor, and publisher Graham Everett is the founding editor of Street Press, He has worked as poet-in-residence at New York area schools, prisons, and arts councils from 1974 to 1986. Everett served as the Interim Director of the Poetry Center at the State University of New York at Stony Brook in the early 1990s. His latest and seventh book of poems is Minus Green Plus. Everett is part of the poetry band Middle Class, which features lyrics based on his poetry. The band currently performs on Long Island and the greater New York Metropolitan area.
L.A.-based actor/writer/journalist Peter “Stoney” Emshwiller was the managing editor of Twilight Zone and Gallery magazines. He went on to write two novels, The Host and Short Blade (Bantam), and is currently working on movie adaptation of the latter and a ham sandwich.
One of the editors of Asinine Love Poetry, R. Narvaez works an editor/writer and has freelanced for TV Guide, The Cable Guide, and eDesign magazines. Born and raised in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, he has also written features for In Power magazine, Gallery magazine, Latino News, New York Trend, New York Press, Pocho.com, Que Pasa magazine, Total TV magazine, and Vista magazine. His poetry and short stories have been published in such literary magazines as Faultline, New Digressions, Downtown, ñ, and Cabaret. He has a graduate degree in creative writing from the SUNY at Stony Brook, where he studied under Richard Ellman and June Jordan. He later studied at the Humber College for Writers in Toronto, Canada, with Bruce Jay Friedman.
Hal Sirowitz is the author of three books of poems, Mother Said; My Therapist Said; and—from Soft Skull Press—Before, During and After and Father Said. He is the recipient of a Frederick Delius Award and the Susan Rose Recording Grant for Contemporary Jewish Music. Mother Said will be released on CD with music composed by Alla Borzova, sung by Paul Sperry. John Flansburgh of the rock group, They Might Be Giants, has recorded him for Hello Records, and the group spoke about him during their interview for NPR´s Studio 360. Garrison Keillor has read his work on NPR´s Writer´s Almanac. Sirowitz has performed on MTV´s Spoken Word Unplugged, PBS´s Poetry Heaven, and NPR´s All Things Considered. Awarded a National Endowment for the Arts Fellowship, Sirowitz is also the best-selling translated poet in Norway, where Mother Said has been adapted for the stage and is currently being made into a series of animated cartoons. He has a poem in Garrison Keillor´s anthology, Good Poems, in Poetry in Motion from Coast to Coast (W.W. Norton), in Poetry After 9/11 (Melville House Publishing) and in 110 Stories: Writers Respond to 9/11 (NYU Press). He works as a special education teacher for the New York City public schools. Sirowitz is married to the writer Mary Minter Krotzer. The former Poet Laureate of Queens, New York, he now lives in Brooklyn.
Lisa Smith is a singer/songwriter from New York. She wrote the theme song for the Nickelodeon series Moody Point (aka, The Amanda Show). She performs with her band, lisasmith, and has her own popular Web site, w w w.whatsupbitches.com.
William Trowbridge won the Stanley Hanks Memorial Poetry Award from the St. Louis Poetry Center for his poem "Kong Bares His Soul Regarding Miss Tyrannasaura Regina," while others have appeared in Poetry, The Georgia Review, The Gettysburg Review, The Southern Review, Prairie Schooner, The Iowa Review, New Letters, Boulevard, and many other periodicals. He is professor emeritus at Northwest Missouri State University where he has been an editor of The Laurel Review since 1986. He has given readings and workshops at more than 75 schools, colleges, bookstores, and literary conferences throughout the United States and currently resides in Lee´s Summit, Missouri.
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