In his first book, new author and former career cop Gary Rubie, undresses the stigma and opens the curtain that says cops don't cry. He uses a unique style of poetry and illustration to tell the story of his life.

Rubie talks of abuse, broken relationships, dating a Hollywood actress, the darkness of Policing, deep depression, suffering job related career ending Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which led to Suicide attempts, addictions, his own arrests and incarceration, and his eventual treatment and recovery. Share his victories, his triumphs over all adversities; this is his story of redemption and hope. Truly one of a kind book.

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Book Reviews

Gary Rubie was a cops cop. His portrayal of the horrors of police work is masterful. From the stench of death to the loneliness and desensitizing effect of the job. He bares all about a job he once loved, but came to loathe. His words accurately describe an occupation designed not only to create psychological victims, but occupational casualties. He takes the lid off the Pandora's box of policing and allows us to peek inside. He's a survivor. Gary should probably be dead—but for God—and the purpose that God has for his life.
- Chief of Police Daniel C. Parkinson, M.O.M., Cornwall Community Police Service, Cornwall, Ontario, Canada -

About the Author

Gary was born in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada in 1962. He joined the Peel Regional Police Department in 1984 where he served for 25 years on a variety of front line and plain cloths units. He enjoyed many successes in his career being recognized 64 times with letters of appreciation from the public, police commendations and awards. He continued his studies taking 33 job related courses over his career. In 2008 in his 25th year of policing he was diagnosed with job related career ending Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was placed on permanent disability.

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About the Illustrator

Henk Rubie was born in the Netherlands in 1931 where he was educated, joined the air force for 2 years. He worked as a toolmaker until he married his wife of 53 years Tonnie Rubie. Together they immigrated to Kitchener, Ontario, Canada in 1959 where they raised three children. Henk worked as a skilled machinist for years at the (RMS) Rubber Machine Shop, Uniroyal Tire in Kitchener. He retired in 1991. A hobby boat builder and artist he further honed his artistic skills and began oil painting, creating intarsia wood crafts and continued building scaled model sail boats.

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Gary's journey to writing poetry began just over seven years ago as a method of journaling. With no formal training he found solace in rhyme. It was a therapeutic way of putting his feelings on paper about the struggles and challenges he faced during his Policing career and in dealing with the severe job related Trauma (P.T.S.D.) and his addictions.

Gary asked his father two years ago if he would consider drawing images to go with each poem and the result is this one of a kind collaboration between father & son. The poems have all been complimented with a Pen and Ink Illustrations done by Henk.

Gary's father believed in him. He felt this was his small way of working with and helping his son to find some relief from the crippling symptoms of his P.T.S.D. This memoir in poetry and illustrations describe Gary's progress into self- discovery and hope.